We are human beings and we make mistakes. We make a mistake but when we want to apologise the words are hard to find. When we make a mistake and hurt others the realisation for an apology comes to us. We understand that an apology is needed for when we are hurt my others and want an apology to make us feel better. Apology is the practice of extending ourselves because we value the relationship more than we value the need to be right. We apologise when we accept responsibility for an offence or mistake and express or remorse in a direct, personal or unambiguous manner. Though apologising may always not be easy but an apology is also for the benefit of the apologiser. Apologising brings a healthy dose of self-awareness, keeps the leader accountable, and brings clarity about the situation and how to avoid repeating it.
An apology is the most courageous conversation we can have with ourselves. An apology does benefit the person to whom we apologise. And when it is done with the proper approach it also benefits the apologiser. Making an apology helps us to see through a situation and helps us not to repeat that mistake again. For a leader making an apology has him practice humility which may be the most powerful position from which to lead. When they abandon the image of being the infallible they show themselves as self-correcting and therefore more on the people's side. These days an apology is increasingly accepted as a sign of strength, not weakness. Leaders who apologise are seen as confident, signalling the three qualities that most modern leaders desire to communicate: humility, transparency, and accountability. It is up to each responsible adult to be able to regret a mistake that is made. To make an effective apology the person apologising needs to take into some points to ponder before going in for the apology.
Recognition: At first the realisation that an offence has been made and an apology was required has to be taken into account. The person apologising may want to just go ahead and get done with it. But to make a sincere effort to make it up to the person hurt we may consider these three questions first.
1. What am I apologising for?
2. What was the impact of my behaviours on the victim?
3. What social norm or value did I violate?
Responsibility: Taking responsibility means taking full responsibility in the consequences of one's behaviour. It lays the moral self fully and solely at the feet of the offender. And in this process they put aside half hearted apologies and look with full integrity into their hearts and reckon uncompromisingly the fruits of their apology. Underlying it all is the intention that the offender values the relationship and desires to rebuild it on terms agreeable to the victim.
Remorse: signals the offender's repentance. Remorse is the realisation that we have done something wrong to a person, that we have hurt a person and that we wish that we can undo what we did. Here saying, "I'm sorry" or "I apologise" is nonnegotiable. It is in fact the entire reason for the apology. Our body language, our eyes and our face must reflect genuine concern for re-establishing the good feeling between ourselves and the persons hurt. Without such approach there is no need to apologise at all. An apology has to come from the heart.
Restitution: is the effort to restore the relationship to what it was before one damaged it. You can't talk your way out of a situation you acted your way into. We must act to mend the breaches made by the offence. Without restitution it becomes difficult for the offended to accept the apology no matter how sincerely you place it. The relationship remains sort of unbalanced. For restoration of the relationship the offender holds the offended in the foremost positions to show that he or she really regrets the offence. Holding out a low self profile for the offender for the situation may help. Restitution is the clearest expression of the offender's desire to restore the relationship
Repetition: is a promise to the victim that the offender will not repeat the offence, will not hurt the sentiments. A particularly effective phrase can be like this, "It will not happen again, it is my promise." It is often effective to end the apology with such a commitment. Communication theory suggests that people remember best what they hear last. The offended person needs to hear that the person apologising is not only thinking of the moment but is humbled way into the future as well. Apology requires a commitment to new values and a constant reminder that we have the ability to learn from our mistake.
Accidents, human fallibility, and apology are three realities of our life. We have little control over the first two realities but the third condition is within our control. It is up to us to regret and restore a valued relationship. Apology makes relationships deeper, richer and more human in the process. It draws out the love and care that we hold for each other as fellow beings. All we have to do is honor the impulse-and practice. As Vance Havner has said, "The vision must be followed by the venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps, we must step up the stairs."